Life

Marie: Well what do we do now?

Michael: I don’t know it’s such a big decision.

Marie: My mother was so sick when I was little that other people had to take care of me. I don’t want that to happen to my children.

Michael: We have to look at this positively.

Marie: We have to look at this realistically. With well over 10 tumors, one of which needs to be taken out in the next couple of months with a high chance of paralysis either way, we need to think about what could happen and be prepared for the worst. If the worst doesn’t happen then we’ll consider ourselves lucky. I’m always going to have VHL and we need
to deal with this because it’s always going to be a part of my life, just in different degrees.

Michael: If there’s a possible connection with tumor growth and pregnancy then I don’t want to take that chance. I don’t want anything to happen to you.

Marie: You will be giving up ever having children with me.

Michael: I can live without children but not without you.

Marie: I feel so guilty about this, even though I can’t control it. When we met I told you I could have this disease called VHL, but I had no symptoms and never thought it would come to this. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you wanted to separate; children are a big part of life.

Michael: Don’t be stupid. I married you because I love you, not because you can give me children. It’s my decision too.

Marie: I don’t think I can go through having children knowing I could pass this on. I’m afraid I might get worse and I’m already scared.

Michael: It’s a big decision. But I can live with missing out on children more than I could live with the regret of something happening to you. I want to share my children with you and having them without their mother isn’t what I want. I don’t want to put a child through the tests and operations. It’s hard enough watching you go through this every six months. I know what a hard time you’ve had with your mother as well.

Marie: I feel so selfish, like I’m denying you something. Some people I’ve talked to said we would be sorry for not having children and will be lonely in our old age.

Michael: That’s the wrong reason to have children anyway. Lots of children move away and have their own family.

Marie: That’s true. I’m never going to feel what it’s like to have a child move inside of me. It’s such a unique and wonderful experience to give up. I’ll have to live with not ever feeling that.

Michael: We could adopt.

Marie: We would be bringing a child into a home where one parent is already having a hard time.

Michael: What about the genetic testing you told me about.

Marie: If I got pregnant, an abortion is not an option for me, no matter what.

Michael: I’m more than willing to be a foster parent and a favorite Uncle. We’ll just spoil our nieces and nephews.

Marie: Someone told me life with no children is no life.

Michael: Life without my wife is no life.

Marie: I hope we are making the right decision.

Michael: We are.

So three years and one major operation later we are still happily married and are going to be an Aunt and Uncle for the first time in ‘98. We made the best decision for us and I’m still living with the choice of not knowing what it’s like to be pregnant and my husband is still sure of his choice.

There are no right or wrong choices, only the one choice we can live with best. We had many long conversations, some lasted all night before we made this decision, so don’t judge people to harshly. They are only making the choice which is best for them, and it is their choice after all. I meet people every day that see us as a young couple who doesn’t have children and since they do not know of our reasons tell me I’ll be sorry I don’t have kids. But I forgive them for their ignorance and live with my decision, knowing it was the right one for me.