Prosperity and abundance theories can backfire when our absorption with being positive causes us to resist and judge the very human experience of lack and limitation.

1. Remember the Chinese yin/yang symbol. Inevitably, we all experience the extremes of abundance and lack, freedom and limitation. Without the contrast, these concepts would be meaningless. In the Chinese symbol for yin and yang, there is always a speck of black in the white, and there is always a speck of white in the black.

2. Put out your welcome mat. In a calm, meditative state, imagine that your negative thoughts and emotions are strangers knocking at your door. Open the door and let them into your awareness — let yourself feel the intensity of your rage, sadness, fear, etc. — and then let that energy move through you. Ask your emotions what message they have for you.

3. Love the messengers. Your emotions — even the distasteful ones — carry messages for you about your authentic self and your true path in this life. No need to kill the messengers — love them! And ask them why they are there. What do you want but are afraid you can’t have?

4. Fall apart if you need to. When we are experiencing significant stress, "holding it together" means we are trying to do things ourselves. When we give ourselves permission to fall apart — to stop looking and acting like we have it all together — we open ourselves to the possibility of receiving support.

5. Give in to your limitations. According to Rumi,(1) "the moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door opens." When we resist or deny or avoid the inevitable limitations in our lives, their power over us grows. We open ourselves to greater possibilities when we welcome our limitations with gratitude and compassion.

6. Look to the turtle. No, your desire or dream isn’t here... yet. Experiencing lack or negativity in your life doesn’t mean your dream is pointless and futile. It just means you have to be patient and keep moving in small steps toward your desire.

7. Fan the flame. When you experience any type of negativity, you have the opportunity to clarify, focus, and strengthen your desire. Strong desire expressed through consistent action is what enables you to attract your dreams.

8. Pretend you’re playing "hot and cold." Ever play "hot and cold" as a child? When you get farther away from the hidden object, someone says "you’re getting colder." This is how lack and negativity in our lives help us — they give us valuable feedback about how to move away from what we don’t want toward what we do want.

9. Cultivate inner peace. Inner peace does not come from avoiding negative experiences and emotions. Inner peace comes from having a spirit expansive enough to receive tumultuous emotions without losing our center. Who we really are is untouched by the emotions we experience.

10. Find any excuse to laugh. Here’s a favorite cartoon from my husband’s collection: "If you’re having trouble laughing at yourself, put on some weight and let your children cut your hair!" Here’s to us beautiful ones!

1. Jalal Al-Din Rumi was a 13th-century Persian philosopher best known for his love poetry. He was also a theologian, often mystical in the manner of St. John of the Cross. Kirkus Review (1999) feels that Rumi is now one of the best read poets in America. Deepak Chopra feels that Rumi’s passionate poetry has "a healing quality."

stress management

As printed in the VHL Family Forum 10:3, September 2002. For permission to reprint, please contact VHL Family Alliance, editor@vhl.org.